in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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