when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
