omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
