he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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