I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
