The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
