I like to think it a success when the cops are called
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
