hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
