and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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