He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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