she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
