Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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