the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
