you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need water and some morals
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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