I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
