I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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