I didn't shave. On purpose
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
