just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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