you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
