Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
