My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
