I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
