proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
