honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
