Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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