I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
