I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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