He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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