paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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