I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
