Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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