She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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