you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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