well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
