If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
