his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
