i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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