SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
