Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
