Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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