Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I forget how to act sober
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
