you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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