I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
