yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
