The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
