You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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