I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
