I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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