You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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