I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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