I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
