Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
