He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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