last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
