ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
