i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
