Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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