My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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